Can we judge age in terms of better or worse? Is it better to be young than to be old and if so - in what sence? Or is it better to be old than to be young? Is it better to be a child than to be an adult? Or the other way around?
There is a proverb saying:
The wisdom of an old
is like the winter sun:
It brightens up
without heating...
Another proverb says:
In contrary to the butterfly
we were born as butterflies
but die as caterpillars....
Both as small children and as older, maybe disabled, we are dependent on others to help us. As adults we are supposed to manage our lives ourselves. With that follows responsibility; something that not every adult person always manages to take on.
Problems in childhood can result in difficulties later in life and persons can get difficulties in assuming responsibility for both themselves and for others, like their families.
Maybe one can say that childhood is the time of learning and experimenting, while adolescence is the time of proving and producing.
If a child never gets the chance to make mistakes or to learn, but instead has to prove and to produce, adolescence might become hard, while time for playing, copying, imaging and for making mistakes too soon disappeared.
I have a memory from when I was about two years old. My father played with me: We made a tower by wooden bricks and let other bricks fall down in the middle of it. I was happy - maybe even happier than ever since! Does it sound strange?
Unfortunately not all children get the chance to play or to be out on their own, however. A survey in two suburbs of Stockholm in 2005 showed that only 89 % of the twelve-year-old children in one suburb and 75 % in the other were allowed to be out on their own.
It's important to let children be children and to play. Unfortunately that's not the case everywhere in the world! But it is also important to let a child try its own wings when time comes.
Around the age of twelve an important change is taking place and at that very age a change took place also in my life. From having been a child who always was out playing, sometimes also doing things that should have made my mother worried, suddenly my mother was frightened that something was going to happen and thus the happiest time of freedom and light-heartedness had become limited. The reason was something called puberty....
I think there are big values in every stage of life. The interesting thing is that things always can happen that you wouldn't even have dreamt about!
Life offers surprises and every stage of age has its values, why these stages not always or in every sense are comparable. The important matter is rather whether you are prepared to receive and accept it or not!
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Structure: You cover a lot of ground and express many profound insights. To improve paragraphing, I think you need to think about how to structure your paragraphs and how to decide when a new paragraph is required. If you make them too short, the reader will easily get the impression of a text that is rather disorganised even when it is not. Also, you need to make it clear to the reader exactly how each paragraph relates to the general argument. When you start a new paragraph, you have, in a sense, disconnected it slightly from what went before, especially if you don't use clear transitions, and I think that's the problem here. With so many short paragraphs, coherence suffers. Maybe you just need to try and incorporate your examples into existing paragraphs so that the reader can easily follow your train of thought. Think in terms of longer units of thought than at present, preferably with some kind of topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph.
Language: Generally good.
/Teacher
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